20 thoughts on turning 40

Yup. Who would have thunk it - I'm knock-knock-knocking on 40's door... I have a few thoughts to put down on the screen, but they're pretty random. So here goes.

1. I am incredibly blessed to have the most wonderful husband whom I love so much, the most incredible sons, a loving and supportive mother and mother in law, a comfortable home and a good job that I enjoy.  
2. I've learned that you're never too old to make new friends. And I am lucky to have some really great 'old' friends.
3. My boys teach me something new every day. Sometimes small lessons, often really big ones.
4. While I'm done with suffering BS, there are times when it's less stressful and more peaceful to just smile and wave.
5. I have had a bit of a hiatus from cooking and baking lately, but every now and then inspiration strikes. Sometimes it strikes in a double-whammy - today's inspiration is all about lemon macarons and strawberry smoothie cupcakes. Separately, not together.
6. While I'm fiercely independent and somewhat of a control freak, there's a little girl inside me that wants other people to take charge and make things happen. Thank you to two special ladies who did this for me on Saturday night.
7. I have this deep creative urge inside me that I don't know what to do with. I can't draw a stick person, or paint a splatter painting, but I feel this need to make something beautiful.
8. That same creative urge is desperate for me to write a book (ja, me and about 40 million other people, I guess.) I have two book-kernels in mind. But oh, where to start, where to take the storylines, and the Fear of wondering if anyone will be interested in them when they're done.
9. I want a covered patio that can house a big comfy daybed, that will capture the afternoon sun but be sheltered from the rain.
10. I've got grand plans for rebuilding/renovating our kitchen, but am terrified of the expense only a little more than I'm terrified of the mess.
11. I am so immensely proud of being South African. But also immensely sad at how many things this country constantly screws up.
12. One day when I grow up, I'd love to make a difference in education. I have a couple of ideas brewing, but need to find time/support/knowledge/money/technology to make those happen.
13. I'm a sucker for puppy breath. That is how we land up expecting dogs number 3 and 4 to arrive on Friday. Texas and Dakota, the daschund cross Foxy pups will be joining Phoebe the Rottweiler and Sebastian the Daschund.
14. I'm breaking from the norm this birthday. I usually ask for practical, sensible birthday presents. This year, I've asked for 'envelopes', and I'm going to use the proceeds to buy something completely useless but incredibly beautiful. I don't know what it is yet, but the search is underway.
15. I don't get Car Envy any more. I do however get Shoe Envy, and Wardrobe Envy. And occasionally Perfect Hair and MakeUp Envy.
16. I would dearly like to have a dressing table. Not with film star lights though.
17. I really enjoy my job, but would love to get to the position where I could work a 3/4 day, to be able to spend the afternoons with my boys, either helping with homework or supporting them when they play sport.
18. This is the year I want to sort our garden out. We need to put decent lawn in the front, and I really want to get my veggie garden producing enough for us to actually use. It's been great, but more of a "look how easy it is to grow stuff" project than a "we don't need to buy vegetables any more" project.
19. I need to stop looking for the negatives in situations and people, and focus on the positives.
20. The only way I'm going to get into the kind of shape I'd like to be is if I do what's necessary to get there. Doh! Obvious, right? I need to get stronger with myself, and with setting aside the time and care it's going to need for me to get there.

So, the big day is on Thursday. I had dinner with good friends this previous Saturday, and will spend Thursday with my boys, Brett and my mom... and will take the rest of the day as it goes.

#LoveBomb

I received a mail from @Brodiegal last week, and what she said resonated so strongly with me: 
" I stood outside the Goodman Gallery today, watching the protest – and the sight of stripped-down gallery walls, riot police, mounted police protecting an art gallery was a very sad moment. I’m not taking issue with the protest, but its expression was something that had the power to hurt rather than heal or reconcile.
And I thought I would like to do something that healed me, and that would indicate a need to keep talking about the issues the painting provoked – without resorting to violence, or threats, or intimidation.
This has also been such a masculine argument; so much hard energy, not enough soft energy, not enough care.
I thought it might be nice if you and me – and anyone who wants to join in – spent time over this weekend crafting things out of fabric, in wool, yarn, crochet, thread, felt, shweshwe... And we used these to decorate the trees leading from the start of the march to its finish, at the Goodman Gallery. Think of it as multi-media yarn bombing.
I  have spoken to someone with links to local yarnbombers and hope we’ll have something “proper” at the “end” of the route (at the gallery), but I would like to invite you and any of your friends to join me – either on your own, or at my house this weekend – in making something that represents your feelings, and what you’d like to see in the future. Something about peace, love and understanding, as the old song goes. 

Also: please don’t share this on social media. This is supposed to be a random act of kindness. A surprise." 

So... I grabbed the opportunity. I've never taken part in a protest before, and this seemed like a pretty safe place to start. I plotted my craftbomb, to be made from ribbons in different colours, sewn together by hand - and this was the result (shown being prototyped on a tree in my garden):

I learned a few things from this experience:
1) It does your head in a bit to invest precious time and significant effort in something that you're going to put in a public place, where it will be for at most a day or two, before it is ripped down and thrown away.
2) Creating something in response to a situation makes you think carefully about what brought you to the point of responding (I guess that's the whole point, really). While I don't particularly care about the artist or the painting that caused all the fuss, I do care about the anguish and hate that it caused. I learned so much too - about the memories that the whole thing drew up for so many people. Although it must be said, when I spoke to 'people on the ground', most were of the opinion that it all about PR...
3) I was reminded AGAIN how obsessed the media is with bad news. I think at last count, the whole furore generated R40 million worth of exposure. I haven't seen a news story anywhere about the #LoveBomb. Sad, yes?
4) Sewing is therapeutic.
5) You can find ANYTHING you want at the Oriental Plaza
6) It's important not to take yourselves too seriously. We meet at 05h30 on Monday outside the Woolies at the bottom of Saxonwold. Edgy protest, this: suburban moms gathering in their SUVs outside Woolies to make a statement. 101 Reasons To Love South Africa, I guess. ;-) 

A(nother) meme

I came across this meme the other day, when I was browsing around the blog where I found a recipe for chocolate chilli cupcakes. Yes, they were divine. Needed a bit more chilli... but that's just an excuse to make them again. 


Anyway, here's the meme - feel free to continue, if you wish... 

Right now, I am waiting for Brett and the boys to get home from swimming lessons

I’m currently obsessed with what exactly I'm going to do for my mid-life crisis. 40 is looming, you see, and I don't have anything to crisis over. #FirstWorldProblems

Cannot live without my boys. The big one and the small ones

I’m reading nothing at the moment. Sigh. 

I’m listening to 702, a lot. But I am tiring of the doom and gloom and the obsession with bad news. What about some good news, people? 

Favourite place in Joburg The Jacobs pop up coffee shop. Go. You'll thank me later. 

Favourite place in SA The Drakensberg, followed closely by the North Coast.

Favourite place in the world Home. Wherever that may be. 

I’ve lived in Johannesburg and London. Johannesburg wins, in spite of itself. 

Next up on my bucket list is to make a bucket list

The last thing I crossed of my bucket list see above

I realized I was an adult when I had to start paying a bond

I realized I’d never be an adult when I knew I'd never stop freaking out about debt.

In the movie of my life, I want to be played by Drew Barrymore

Best invention since the wheel: The dishwasher

A house is not a home without a housekeeper

This week I’m crushing on cupcakes

I’m currently working on that marvelous balancing act that is known as being a working wife and mother

I’m really proud of my first foray into peaceful protest, with the #lovebomb of the Goodman Gallery. You haven't heard about it? Refer to my point above about obsessions with bad news...

You’d be amazed if I showed you my collection of lingerie

I cannot survive winter without the daschund sleeping on my lap in the evenings, and the Rottweiler at my feet

Signature dish 2010 - cake pops; 2011 - macaroons; 2012 - cupcakes

Guilty pleasure Magazines.

When no-one’s looking, I sing and dance in my car

In my next life I want to be a gazillionaire

Every morning, I cram an alarming amount of activity into the hour between 6 and 7. And then take the whole day to recover.

I believe that if we all treated one another with more kindness, the world would suffer from a minute fraction of the hardship it endures today.

I’ve really got to work on my FOMO

Best advice I was ever given  Don't take any advice on being pregnant or parenting. Follow your gut instinct. 

You're invited to breakfast with Helen Zille

I've blogged about the work that Third Thursday does before - so this post is to get you excited to make a booking for our 2012 event: a fundraising breakfast with the one and only Helen Zille. Here's the important info, before I give you the background:

Date etc: 14 July 2012, at 7am sharp
Venue: The Hilton Hotel, Sandton
Cost: R250pp, including breakfast and beverages
To book: email Helen Pournara
Reason 1 why you should buy a ticket or a table-full of tickets to our event:
We don't let our speakers charge us for their time, and we don't keep any silly 'admin fees' - so every penny that we raise will go to the Mthimkhulu Stimulation Centre in Soweto. This centre is run by volunteers who provide a place of safety for underprivileged mentally handicapped chlidren, so that their parents can go to work safe in the knowledge that their children are being properly cared for. The Centre receives government grants, when the government remembers to pay them, but they depend heavily on the kindness of donors for their day to day needs.

The funds that we raise at the breakfast will be used to buy the Centre a wheelchair-friendly vehicle, so that the parents don't have to struggle with taxis to get their children to the school. We need R450 000 to do this - so every penny helps.

Reason 2 why you should buy a ticket or a table-full of tickets to our event:
There are so many people in South Africa that need help, in so many different ways. Sometimes it's difficult to know where to start - and it's the South African Way to want to muck in and help. If you don't know where you can make a difference - this is a good place to start - by supporting our drive (no pun intended) to equip the centre with a vehicle that will help so much. 

Reason 3 why you should buy a ticket or a table-full of tickets to our event: 
You get to eat a damn fine breakfast in one of Sandton's most beautiful hotels, while listening to one of the country's most iconic women speak about her life and experiences. No politics in sight.

And just for fun - a few "Did You Know" items about Ms Zille:
- She exposed the truth about Steve Biko's death in her role as journalist at the Rand Daily Mail.
- She speaks four languages.
- She attended Johannesburg's St Mary's School for Girls.
- She and her husband offered their home as a safe haven for political activists in the 1980s.
- She was arrested for being in the 'wrong area' in the early 1980s, and was given a suspended prison sentence.
- She was such a thorn in the side of the then government that she and her then-two-year-old son had to go into hiding.

Want to find out more? Book your ticket now!



Get up and do something about it - #TBDZA

I was going through my blog history (other people call it procrastination), and I came across this post , that I wrote nearly two years ago, about the Twitter Blanket Drive. In this post, I mentioned what I great idea it was, and how I'd love to meet the person behind it, one @MelanieMinnar.

Fast forward two years, and hey, look what's happened: not only did I meet Melanie, I met her at my son's school, where her son is in the same year, and our boys have become friends. And not only did she make a huge success of the inaugural Twitter Blanket Drive in 2010, she kept it going last year, and has gone biggerbetterfastermore in 2012, by making it a national campaign.

And all this, as a mom to two boys who works a full day as general manager for a busy Johannesburg agency. Respect, much? Huge.

So... here's the deal. Instead of sitting at home wailing about the people who are going to be suffering in the cold outside this winter, while you're wrapped in your blankets on top of your electric blanket, get yourself out to the shops and buy some blankets - Game has some for as little as R20 at the moment, but go wild - skip buying takeaways for dinner this weekend, and spend the money on making someone warm instead. Have a look in your cupboards to see if there are any blankets or warm clothes that you don't use any more, and set them aside too. And then have a look at the #TBDZA website to find a drop off point near you.

You'll find that there are venues across the country that are hosting 'Tweetups' on 26 May, but several of them, such as Higher Ground restaurant, will accept donations any time from now - and they'll give you a free coffee to say thank you for your efforts.

The donations will be distributed via several official charities, so you know that your kindness will be shared where it's needed the most.

So - two things:

1 Get up off your couch and do something about the plight of your fellow South Africans. It's not difficult, it's not expensive, and it's an opportunity to meet other people who care about their fellow citizens the future of our country.

2 Thank you, Melanie, for making this happen. You are proof that if you need something huge done, give it to a busy person! You and your network of friends and colleagues that have organised this are an inspiration to the rest of us. If everyone out there committed to doing something positive, even if it's just a fraction of the size of the #TBDZA, South Africa, and the world, would be a much better place.

Every mom needs a cheerleader

I wrote this for JoziKids:

Kerry Haggard is the mom of the two most beautiful boys that ever there were. She is also the blessed daughter of the most awesome mom that ever there was.

One of my favourite blogs is written by Lisa-Jo, a South African who lives in Washington in the US. She is of the firm opinion that every mom needs a cheerleader, and she’s just published “The Cheerleader for Tired Moms,” an ebook collection of some of her favourite blog posts.

For Mother’s Day this year, I’d like to suggest that we take up Lisa-Jo’s challenge, and become cheerleaders for one another.

Being a mom is tougher than any professional sport out there. We’ve got to be the coaches who teach and encourage our offspring at every turn, motivating them to do their best, to try harder, to practice more, to go the extra mile.

Then, when they don’t perhaps achieve the goals they’ve set for themselves, it’s our task to provide guidance and sage advice, helping them to deal with disappointment.

We’re the taxi drivers, the food providers, the wardrobe custodians, the homework supervisors and the peacekeepers between siblings. We eachknow just how much goes into a day of raising a child, and with the greatest of respect to professional sportsmen – they get to leave the training field and go home at the end of the day. Being a mom is a 24/7 job, and a lot of the time, we feel like we’re still in training anyway – do you know a mom who is completely comfortable that her parenting skills are perfect?

Just like in sport, there are armchair critics of the work we moms do. And, I’m sad to say, some of the cruelest critics are other moms. In fact, I think it’s an official sport in some school parking lots, and should be banned right up there with pitbull fighting and knife fights – it does as much damage.

So here’s what I’d like to challenge you to do this Mother’s Day: Don’t criticize the moms around you. None of us is perfect, but we’re all working really hard to do the best that we possibly can for our children. Ring up a mom you know and admire – it could be your own mom, your mother in law, or a friend, and tell them what a fantastic job they’re doing or have done with their child or children. Be specific in the compliment you give them, and mean what you say. Maybe point out a parenting lesson that you have learned from them, or how you’ve been inspired by something that they have done. I’m very sure that your words will last longer than any flowers or chocolate – and you’ll have made the kind of personal contact that rebuilds friendships in our age of social media fatigue.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Do houses have souls?

There's a property in Waverley that caught my eye the other day. Properties in this area don't come onto the market often, and when they do they're pricey - but I've noticed that this one has been standing empty for a while, so thought it might be up for a bargain. I won't go into detail about how shocking the estate agent involved is, but I went around there today to have a look, because the asking price is essentially the price of the land - a 3100 square metre property. I have a couple of plots and schemes in mind, and wanted to see if they would actually work. 


Well, the plots and schemes wouldn't work in our world right now, for a number of reasons. However, the reason that struck home the most was the soul of this house. It's a bank repossession to start with - so I guess there's already a bit of bad karma there. Whoever owned it last left in a hurry - it was obviously used as offices, because there were desks in the living area, but they were covered with files and paperwork. One of the bedrooms had the frame of a bed in it, but no mattress. The bathrooms were grim, the ceilings have obviously been leaking for a while, and there were odd personal items left lying around - a racket on the tennis court, exercise balls outside the main bathroom, and cartoon characters on the walls in two of the bedrooms. Combination of things: it just felt yuck being in there, and for any of my plots and schemes to come to fruition, the place would need to be demolished - it's bad karma was way too heavy for me to contemplate a renovation. 


We have noticed a property's soul before, though, when we were looking for a house to buy in 2004. We looked at a property in Linden. When Brett and I walked in, we both felt something heavy falling on our shoulders. As we wandered through the house, I literally couldn't bring myself to speak. One room in the house had very clean carpets - the rest of the house was filthy. It made me think that a vicious murder had taken place there, or serial abuse - there was just something evil in that house's soul, and we couldn't get out of there fast enough. Both of us picked up the same energy, and experienced the same reaction. 


I guess picking up good energy in a house is what makes you buy it. We both picked up good energy when we walked into our current home, and that energy is what made us buy it. Lord knows, if we'd looked a little closer, we probably would have run for the hills - old houses, no matter how warm their souls, come with a much more than they appear to, and not necessarily in a good way. 


But even though we didn't look closely enough to pick up the cracked pool or the destroyed floors, we felt that it was home. And most people who visit our home comment on how welcome they feel here. 


A psychic friend who housesat for us once said that she'd seen an old lady wandering around the house. Quite a plump dame, with grey hair twisted into a loose bun. A friendly soul apparently. 


Perhaps she is the soul of our home - a warm and welcoming grandmother. The soul of the house I went to today is more like a mid-40s polygamist cad who leaves his dirty alaundry lying around for everyone else to pick up. The soul of the Linden house was an angry, hardened, bitter spinster aunt with a penchant for corporal punishment. 


What did you feel when you first walked into the home you live in? If you could describe the soul of your home, what would it look like?