To Wii or not to Wii

To Wii or not to Wii

Our home is blessed with more technology than most, thanks to my husband’s job as publisher of a consumer magazine (www.connect.co.za), and this has opened a Pandora’s box of sorts in our home. We are probably more exposed than most to different gaming consoles (yes, we have a PS3, a Wii and an Xbox 360), not to mention more computers per capita than most multinational corporations. And we have two boys (Daniel aged 4 and a half and Matthew, 20 months) whose eyes have lit up at the sight of anything with a whirring noise and a flashing light since they were old enough to sit up and take notice.

There are many who would say that there is time enough for technology when my boys are older – but then there’s that age-old thing of little boys wanting to do what their daddies do.  Some people play sport, others read – my husband ‘does’ computers, whether that’s building them, rebuilding them, or playing various games on them.  Daniel’s playschool offers computer classes, which are mostly around co-ordination and mouse-skills, and his reports from these have always come back with a string of ‘excellents’.

So, is there a difference between learning computer skills (which we all need – were you also one of those that mocked the boys that took typing lessons in the 80s?) and playing console games, which some may see as technology baby-sitters for the lazy parent?

I would say it depends on the console and the game. Matthew is too little to play still, but watches his brother’s every move when he plays on the Wii or on his PC – and Daniel is a sensitive soul who takes everything to heart. This is why we have no ‘first-person shooter’ games, or any game that has violence of any sort in it – apart from the fencing game in Wii Sports Island.

On the Wii, Daniel plays table tennis (and wins nearly every time, using strategic placement of the ball when he ‘hits’ it), 100 pin bowling (where he lines up the ball with the pins, and scores a strike nearly every time), and archery  (which requires careful co-ordination, using both hands). He cannot read, but he can navigate his way around a set of Wii games better than I can – he has responded to its intuitiveness and has figured things out for himself.

On his PC, he plays a variety of games that teach him cognitive and recognition skills, and that throw in a bit of history and geography as well.

Yes, my child does have a lot of ‘screen’ time, but he also does (old fashioned) puzzles quickly and accurately. His hand-eye co-ordination is such that he seldom misses a ball with his cricket bat, and he has a general knowledge that is well beyond his age.

Are computers and consoles a substitute for good parenting? No, they’re definitely not. But they’re a part of our (admittedly privileged) life, and will continue to be so, more and more, as our children grow up. Making them comfortable with technology, and giving them the confidence to navigate their way around it, is equipping them with skills our parents hadn’t even thought of when we were kids.

It is about striking a balance though – Daniel can only play one session of Wii in a day, and he can only play every second day. I think we’re getting the balance right. At bed time the other night, my heart melted when I was told, “Mom, I love you more than everything. I even love you more than Wii.”

Out and about in Jozi

We chose to stay in Jozi these holidays, and it really was great – the roads and shops were quiet, the weather was mostly agreeable, and we spent some good quality time at home.

We did go out and about though, and it was great to be a tourist in our own city, so to speak. Having two small boys changes your choices of venue somewhat, and it was intriguing to see who caters for families and how.

We went to the Johannesburg Zoo for a morning, and it was great to see all the development there, and the wide variety of animals, the beautiful landscapes, and the restaurant. What wasn’t great? Seeing the golfcarts lined up for repair (apparently they’re being discontinued in the new year), and being put at number 19 on the waiting list at 10 in the morning, in spite of one of our party being heavily pregnant. We also felt that R10 per ride in the funfair was outrageous.

I thought that Heaven’s Gate in Boksburg, looked like a great spot for a visit, but was disappointed to see that it very definitely is by appointment only – it’s not just schools that need to make appointments, as I understood from the website. But it’s got a great selection of birds, and plenty of spots for picnics, so we’ll definitely go there again, with an appointment.

The Secret Garden at Norscot Manor was nice for the little people, although a little more shade in their playground would not go amiss. It’s a really pretty venue, and looks like it would be great for moms’ teaparties, while the littlies keep themselves amused.

Twigs at the Garden Shop (cnr Jan Smuts Avenue and Bolton Avenue in Rosebank) has a great enclosed playground for children and their food is good, but that’s about where the ‘great’ stops. Service is appalling, and there is nowhere to change nappies – it’s either the boot of your car (my choice), or on the concrete floor in the less-than-elegant outbuilding toilets.

The hit of our holiday? The Adventure Golf park at Stoneridge Mall, just behind Greenstone Mall. A great vibe, three fun courses, and a friendly and well stocked refreshment stand … and they didn’t charge us for the littlest Haggard (aged 21 months), who clutched his ball and golfclub (aka ‘bat’) as if his life depended on it for most of our time there

What was your favourite holiday outing in Jozi these holidays? 

Would you share your job?

A friend and I were chatting recently, about the tough choices (or lack thereof) that moms are given. To put your children through decent education, you most often need to be a double-income family – but what are the implications of not being at home for the crucial formative years in your child’s life? “What about job-sharing?” she asked.

I turned to my bff (the web) for research, and learned that in the US and Australia in particular, job sharing is common. Two people with similar skills share a full time job – and the salary that goes with it – so that they can still work at a level for which their skills are suited, adding valuable experience to their CV, and earning a decent income, while being available to invest important time in their children.

The sharing is done in a number of ways – either one works mornings and the other afternoons, or they take all the tasks for the position and split them, so that everyone else knows who is responsible for what. Another common way of working it is for each of the parties to work three days a week, so that there is one day where they are both around, to make continuity easy for everyone else that they are working with.

It seems though, that most of these situations arise where women working together create the job-share, once they have the buy-in of their existing employer – it’s not the kind of vacancy you would see advertised.

I would so be keen for this kind of progressive thinking in the South African workplace – but the question is: are any South African companies up for it? Are they willing to adapt the rules to keep and nurture their best employees – those who have another full time job as mom and homemaker? 

Originally posted on JoziKids 

Random thoughts and catching up

I've not been the most consistent blogger in the history of ever, but at the urging of ExMi, I'm going to give it another bash. 

What's happened in my life since the last time I posted (before today's flurry)? 

A lot, but not a lot. 

My two boys, Daniel and Matthew, are the most amazing, incredible human beings that ever there were. Apart, of course from my husband. I may be biased in all of this, but there you go, I'm allowed to be. 

My extended household now consists of Thandi Ndhlovu, my very own domestic goddess, my father-in-law, and his 11-year-old son. It's complicated. Sometimes more so than it really should be. But that's a session for another couch, another day. 

We've done and survived a fair amount of renovation to our home, although a house is an ONGOING process, oh my word, it never stops. 

There are days when I love the Daschund, and there are days when I would give him to the first taker. However, I love the Rottweiler every day, all day. Except when she thinks she's a cow, and eats my grass. 

My vegetable garden is growing like a veritable jungle. I hope that it delivers on all that it's promising, otherwise I'll have to start calling it the ANC. 

I'm changing jobs at the end of this month. Working at Words'worth has been a true privilege, but I need more money, more interaction with people, and less of a glass ceiling. I'm moving to Saint-Gobain Construction Products, a client of mine for several years, and I'm going to be taking on the challenge of their internal and external communications. 

I have learned that beautiful office surroundings may well appear idyllic, but there is such a thing as being TOO quiet. And dogs that are TOO noisy. And colleagues that are TOO to-themselves. Nowhere's perfect. I have been happy here, but I will be happy in my next position too. 

That's it for this time... let's see if I can keep this up! 

Seeing red, and how to deal with it.

This morning was an early one – up at 5h00, with both boys wanting different things, from Easter eggs to Cbeebies. I’m comfortable with the TV as my (very happy) helper at that time of the morning, and with boys settled in front of Mr Maker, I snuck off to check mail on my computer in the next room.

And that’s where things started going pear-shaped. Both boys came through, both wanting to sit on the one spare seat, and then Daniel (the older one) wanted to watch YouTube (which he can surf by himself), a Thomas the Tank Engine video, and then he asked for his own computer games (which are not set up at the moment) – all in the space of about 30 seconds. He responded to my ‘no, not now’ answers to all of those by stomping his feet, shouting at me and throwing a basketful of Lego in all directions. Not a normal reaction for this mostly peaceful boy – but a reaction that made me see red, and lose the 5h30 plot a little.

I smacked his pyjama’d bottom, told him that he is not allowed to throw things at me, and told him to go to his room. When he sat there apologising in tears, I thought of all those experts that tell us to be consistent and mean what we say, and I insisted that he go to his room, eventually resorting to carrying him there to prove my point.

And then I stopped and thought about it (which I probably should have done before the part where I saw red). This whole scene started because both my little boys wanted to be with me, and Daniel particularly wanted my attention. When he didn’t get it in the way that he was hoping for, he got frustrated, and angry. Which made me angry. But why am I allowed to get angry, and he is not? If he is allowed to get angry (which I believe he is), just how do I teach him how to express that anger? And how do I control my own emotions when I am frustrated (at being up at the crack of dawn) myself, and just want a little bit of space?

I know I am the adult in this, and I know it is my job to teach him how to deal with his feelings in a constructive way.

But I don’t think I did a very good job of teaching him, or setting a good example, this morning. How do other parents deal with their little ones’ frustration. 

*A note: This is only the third time in his nearly five years that I have smacked Daniel on his bottom. I believe that there is a time and a place for a smack on the bottom, but never with anything other than my hand, and more for effect than injury. I don’t think that his actions this morning deserved my response, which is why I’m disturbed by it, and would love to how other parents deal with this type of situation. 

Originally submitted to JoziKids

Rights and responsibilities – an unbreakable union.

As South Africans, we are quick to brag about our Bill of Rights – one of the most comprehensive in the world. The rights of everyone from prisoners to old people are protected – the rights of children too.

What I struggle with, often, is that so many of us neglect to notice that rights come with responsibilities.

Yes, we have the right to free speech. We also have the responsibility to moderate our words to be constructive and honest.

We have the right to equal protection before the law. We have the responsibility to follow that law, respecting our fellow citizens while doing so.

We have the right to practise our religion of choice. We have the responsibility to tolerate the religion of others, and to understand what we have in common with them. You’d be surprised at how much that is…

We have the right to assemble to demonstrate our dissatisfaction with something. We have the responsibility to respect the property on which we choose to exercise this right. 

We have the right to fair labour practices. We have the responsibility to work hard, be honest, and earn the money that we are paid.

We have the right to an environment that is not harmful to our wellbeing. We have the responsibility to look after it ourselves, whether it is recycling or spending our money with ecologically responsible suppliers.

We have the right to property. We have the responsibility to purchase it honestly, and to look after it. It is after all, part of our environment. 

We have the right to health care. We have the responsibility to make wise decisions about our own health and wellbeing, whether that is by choosing healthy food, or monogamy.

We have a right to education. We have the responsibility to appreciate the value of this, to go to school or university, and to use our knowledge to improve South Africa. 

We are blessed to have these rights, among many others. Our biggest responsibility is to teach these rights to our children – and to teach them that these rights come in tandem with responsibilities. Teaching them that someone else is always to blame for what is wrong in their lives, that someone else must always fix the damage, is simply irresponsible. 

Originally posted on www.jozikids.co.za

Ranting and raving

Ranting because:
Google and Safari weren't talking via my Mac, which is largely why I've been absent.
The Stupid People are everywhere. They give you 10 days to interview 20 people and write 7500 words, and then well beyond the deadline ask you to interview 4 more. And they don't seem to want to pay you for your efforts.
The other Stupid People don't know what they want, and they only tell you once you've given them the apparently wrong thing twice.
There's not nearly enough time in the day. And not nearly enough days in the week.

Raving because:
Google and Safari have made friends again. Although they don't seem to be talking picture language...
May is full of good things like:
- Ian and Tamarin's wedding on Saturday - let's hope they survive Ian's mother...
- Tom is here to visit - he's spending Friday night with us, and then we're off to the game reserve with him and Amber next week
- Tamsin, Adam and Tabitha are coming to visit, and they're moving into our cottage for a week - yay!
My husband seems to be ok with the concept of my ex coming for dinner. This is fab because if they could get over themselves, they'd probably be great mates
My child is just fantabulously wonderfully inspirationally excitingly amazing. Any more superlatives would make me look biased...