Things I learned in 2010

This year has been one of highs, lows and lessons. I know that there are still 10 days left of the year, but here are my thoughts anyway...

The World Cup was a bigger part of my life than I thought it could possibly be. I was proud of South Africa, I was proud of what we achieved, and I loved the tangible atmosphere of excitement that lasted for a full month. We were in France for the final, and it was only the fact that we were at my best friend's wedding that made that ok.

Changing jobs was far more stressful than I thought it would be. However, I'm really glad I did it. I am much happier where I am, I enjoy the people, I feel challenged, and I feel valued. In spite of all the drama with the Stupid People in HR and my daily swearing at the antiquated technology we use, I am glad I moved.

I was heartbroken when friends of ours died in a fire in July. I didn't realise how heartbroken until I fell to pieces at the most unexpected times. Through the process, I learned that it's ok to be angry, that in a situation like that, there is no normal response to such an abnormal situation. I learned that there are no wrong feelings, that suppressing feelings and responses is simply a bad idea. I've learned to articulate my feelings more, and Brett doesn't have to drag my thoughts out of me kicking and screaming any more. I can drive past the property without dwelling on the details that did my head in, but I still think of them, so often. No more melting into little puddles of tears though. Or big ones.

I have been disappointed in friends, for different reasons. I know that I have probably also disappointed two of them. Something I still have to figure out is how to be a better friend, because this irony is not lost on me: the friends that I keep in touch with the most, that I trust and 'talk' to the most, all live in different cities to the one I do.

I have learned to pick my battles. Or my crusades, for that matter.  Brett's half brother (12) moved onto our property at the beginning of the year with his dad, and for a while, I made the situation my problem. Difficult not to take responsibility for a troubled 12 year old who eats meals in your home, and who is idolised by your own children. But the thing is - you can only help someone who wants to be helped. He didn't, his father didn't, and who was I anyway to try to interfere. So l let go...

Growing vegetables is a great idea, but there's something I'm missing - I haven't yet been able to grow enough to cut back on how many I buy. But it's lots of fun, and the boys love picking the fruit and eating veggies straight off the plant. The simple things are the good things. A lesson that should be applied in all sorts of situations I guess...

It's not a new lesson, but something I've been aware of all year. I am blessed, very blessed indeed. I have a husband who loves me, and who I love. I have two magnificent amazing boys. I have a beautiful home. I have a great support structure. I have a loving and incredible mom, and a great mom-in-law. I am healthy. We live a comfortable lifestyle. There are so many people around us who are struggling with so many things. I am blessed in so many ways, and for these I am so grateful.

Sharlotte's traditional Zulu wedding

Last weekend we attended my colleague Sharlotte's wedding in rural KZN. We were originally supposed to go to the 'white' wedding on the Friday night, but then her family over-invited guests and we were uninvited from that... After initial anger, we quite enjoyed our peaceful night at the Little Switzerland hotel, and then we headed off the next morning to the traditional event, at Sharlotte's Gogo's house. 

I got to play with the Sony Alpha digital SLR, which was loads of fun - particularly the panorama feature, which in its own right, is a good enough reason to buy the camera... 

This is a panorama shot of the view from Gogo's house. Very rural, but the marquee on the right is where the bulk of the festivities happened. The sheep was slaughtered in the patch of veld to the left of the pic... 

I didn't know that Sharlotte could sing so beautifully - but she can! When we got there, everyone was in the lounge having a prayer service, and then she led them in singing some hymns. 

So much joy, so much excitement. It really struck home how much pressure there must be on people like Sharlotte and Mpho (her husband, who also works with us) - they have such strong roots in rural tradition, but their families invest everything in their future. There is such pressure for them to succeed, everyone wants to be and is so very proud of them. 

This was a bit later - the families exchange gifts. Well, the women seem to do all the marrying part - the men were sitting outside watching. Sharlotte is Zulu and Mpho is Sotho, which made this a bit of a blend of cultures. In Zulu tradition, apparently, you give clothes to the bride's family, and in Sotho tradition, you give blankets. 

This was one of Sharlotte's aunts...

And this was one of Mpho's aunts - she has the most joyful face! 

The lady in green with the crutches is Sharlotte's Gogo who raised her, and sitting in front of her is Sharlotte's mom, who lives in Bryanston and has her own staff. I found it fascinating how traditional roles are re-assumed as soon as people get back to the rural setting. 

These are local youngsters who came to 'fight' Mpho off. They were incredible, lots of singing and drumming, and were very disciplined. 

Each warrior took his turn demonstrating his prowess, with lots of footstomping and hurling of selves onto the ground. Gogo's house is in the background - probably the best appointed home in the whole village. 

The problem with stills is that you don't get the sound and the action... 

Sharlotte joined in and did her own bit of jigging around... 

As did one of the aunties... 

Mpho's family gave the women in Sharlotte's family dresses - all were of the same red fabric, but each dress was unique. 

Everyone was very proud of their new outfits...

Sharlotte then went inside to change from her 'maiden' outfit into the clothing of a woman married to a Sotho man.

While she was changing, there was lots of singing and dancing. And the slaughtering of the sheep. The bit that I found most distressing about this was the slaughtered sheep's friend, who got to watch the demise of his mate, followed by his skinning and dismembering. There'd be a lot of money for animal shrinks in the rural areas, methinks... ;-) 

Sharlotte emerged in her 'married' clothing. Complete with heavy blanket in the 36 degree heat. 

More singing and celebration... 

The ladies in their new dresses (which were over the dresses that they arrived in ... in that 36 degree heat...)

The two families then sang 'at' each other - lots of joy and happiness here. Note the technology - the only place I've seen more Blackberries in one location is at a 27 Dinner... ;-)

More singing, with the presents in the foreground. There must have been about 25 thick fluffy blankets... in that 36 degree heat... ;-)

This is the oldest lady in the village. She apparently often tells Sharlotte that she wants to go to Joburg to work and look after children. 

What is a wedding without a DJ? This was the DJ's setup... 

The handing over of blankets to Mpho's family. My memory card ran out at this point, so this is about as far as I got. We left shortly afterwards, so that we would be home in Joburg before sunset.